I decided to quit reading Carlyle's A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL. The fact that I keep putting off even picking the book off the couch is a clear sign that I need to read something else.
While reading a few romance blogs, I realized that many of us bloggers seem to be going through some inner turmoil. Lately, work has been a nightmare and I find myself going in at 6:30 AM and leaving around 5 PM, swallowing my lunch whole and holding IT in 'til I'm ready to burst BECAUSE THERE'S JUST NO TIME!!!
My family is currently dealing with the deteriorating health of my maternal grandfather. He's just never been the same since my grandmother died nine years ago. It's upsetting to watch and sometimes I pray that he be given peace. Not only that, but my mother is estranged from her two sisters, one of whom "takes care" (there's a reason the words are in parentheses) of my grandfather.
It's a difficult and painful situation. Here's a typical scene in the life of my mother's family: my grandfather goes to the hospital; we (my mother, dad, etc) find out 2 days later. My grandfather is sick; my mother's sisters refuse to tell us exactly what's afflicting him. My mother has contacted his physician and he just doesn't call her back. It's very frustrating! My grandfather knows zilch and is pretty much hanging on a thread. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?," we ask. TYPICAL ANSWER from my aunts? He's sick. NO SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE? Oh, he's sick...argh! Again, it's frustrating because communication between my mother and her sisters ended a few years ago and my aunts refuse to reveal anything. They're the most spiteful, selfish, envious little bitches ever to grace the earth, the villians in the story of my life. Skanks!
Less than a week ago, I called my dear aunts and ripped them a new one, giving myself at the same time massive acid reflux and an irritable bowel syndrome relapse. My mother, in the meantime, is going nuts, crying all time (she's also menopausal), so visits to my folks tend to be a little nutty. Thank God for my dad who always has a sense of humor about this and looks to the bright side. He's the ITALIAN Pollyanna! Gotta love him!!!
Through it all, I have no one to vent to except co-workers (who, of course, are busy with work) and friends (who fuckin' never return my phone calls...jerks!). I have my reading, my volunteer work and my blog. It helps me somehow because I can get so much frustration out, I can help others and I can dream of living a life that is not mine.
I had to vent tonight. Sometimes I just want to forget about all this nonsense and move away from it LITERALLY, but I'm not a little girl anymore and I can't just deny it's occuring. I have to ride the pain and frustration that I'm feeling and hopefully grow from it. What else can I do?