Spies: They're Everywhere!

I'd like to know one thing and one thing only: HOW DID SHANA GALEN MANAGE TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ME, WITHOUT EVER HAVING MET ME? Seriously, where did this chick get her info? NO MAN'S BRIDE, huh? Yep, that's me. I want to know how, if all men ARE NOT losers, I manage to meet so many of them. Is it my hair? Do I exude some scent that attracts these "rare" beings? Seriously, I'd really like to be clued in. Sometimes I feel like I'm being punk'd whenever I manage to go on yet ANOTHER date with ANOTHER loser.

A glimpse into my recent dating excursions, some of them set-ups:

1. Date 1 - Co-worker believes I am perfect for her cousin. I go along with it. He calls me; we arrange a date. I knew the date would suck the moment I laid eyes on him. He picks me up in a beat up car; he is about 15 years older than me. This moron proceeds to take me to a lesbian bar for a good hearty meal; he then proceeds to interrogate (yes, interrogate) me on WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME SINCE I'M NOT MARRIED YET? We get into a fight (wonder why). He insults me; I insult him back (hell hath no fury like a pissed off Italian chick). He starts telling me about an ex of his who dumped him (SHOCKER) and then apologizes over and over again about boring me to tears with his stories (what gave him that idea?). We fight some more; he tells me my expectations are too high, that I'm not getting any younger...blah blah blah. THEN THEN THEN he tells me he'd like to see me again. I tell him to....excuse my language here...FUCK OFF! I try to pay for half my meal; he gives me a dirty look and tells me not to insult him. Fine...free meal...it sucked anyway. DATE OVER.

2. Date 2 - another set-up. My friend's uncle has already met my husband and he's more than eager to introduce me to him. In any case, I give him my phone number; he gives it to the "MAN" and we chat on the phone for about 2 weeks before deciding to meet up. The day of the date, he gives me a call, fakes a cough and chickens out. I'm immediately turned off and don't even want to meet him. Something about his call pissed me off. Maybe it was the fake cough. We decide to meet at Starbucks a week later. He arrives about 10 minutes late. He's good looking...a little thin, but I'm more of a personality kinda girl. I already had my coffee; he gets his. We sit down. We talk. He bashes Italian people (bad idea since I'm 100% Italian), Italian food, Italian family get togethers. He whines the entire time about EVERYTHING, how his parents moved to a different state and just left him alone, how he hates this and that, how he thinks he's getting sick again because of X, Y and Z. Date ends. We go to our cars. We never speak again. DATE OVER.

3. Date 3 - I came to SF about 3 yrs ago for a wedding. At the time I still lived in NY. A male friend I got reacquainted with at a wedding invited me out for drinks. He was a perfect gentleman, very considerate...until he had to drop me off at the nearest BART station (subway/metro of SF). He looked bored, like he couldn't wait to kick me out of his car. Perhaps he had to go to the bathroom. Honestly, I have no clue what happened. It was after 2 AM. He drops me off at an area convenient TO HIM (and I'm an idiot because I let him do that, but honestly I was desperate to go home myself); I proceed to go catch the train and...discover the last one left at 1:15AM. I am ALONE in a shady part of SF and I have to get back to my parents' house (where I was staying) which is about 45 minutes East of SF. What do I do? I call my "friend;" he sounds put out (maybe because I didn't) and I just realized he would be no help. I did what anyone in my situation would do...I called my Daddy! Let's just say he was not happy. He drove to get me and I realized how lucky I was to have him.

4. Date 4 - Blind date...literally...my date was blind. It was really something. What a mess! I once worked for an insurance company. A blind attorney invited me to go to a wedding that nearly everyone in the office (EXCEPT ME...I still don't know why cats and dogs were invited to this wedding and I wasn't...) was going to. I didn't want to go. I disliked the bride (maybe that's why I wasn't invited) and everyone else. My boyfriend at the time (yeah, I had a boyfriend) guilted me into going by pulling the whole BUT HE'S BLIND, MAKE HIM HAPPY card. The wedding was a total debacle! I was bored and being gropped by a man who clearly was taking advantage of his disability. Not to mention, a friend of his wanted some action from me also, but I wasn't having it. Today, the blind date story makes a great conversation piece and ice breaker.

So what's wrong with me? Nothing. I'm attractive, Italian (what more can you ask for?), funny, sharp, educated. I can be a tad sarcastic and maybe a little too blunt, but unfortunately I've never perfected the art of sugar-coating. Are men threatened by me? I have no clue. I just know that Shana Galen knows a little bit too much about me and it scares the heck out of me!