Monday, October 30, 2006

The Five Truths

Tagged by Holly

1. I regret the moment I decided to go to law school, despite the fact that I met several amazing people because of it. I regret not having dropped out and I hate the fact that I am a lawyer and not a professor or teacher which is what I am most suited for. I regret the fact that I regret it and that I sometimes feel so powerless to change things, to change myself and my profession. Despite the fact that I sometimes lie and tell my friends that I don't regret it because "if it hadn't been for law school, I wouldn't have met you," I do regret it very much. I can't help it. My life would have been a great deal different had I not gone. I still don't know what possessed me to do it. I never really liked law school and I never had much respect for my professors either. Jerks!

2. I suffered from an eating disorder in college, something I don't think I've ever completely gotten over. I'm very critical of myself, my body and hate weighing myself at the doctor's, which is a problem because everytime I go to Kaiser Permanente (SUCKS!) for anything, they insist on weighing me. Last time I refused and they looked at me like I was crazy! I just don't want to weigh myself because I know that if the numbers aren't low enough, I might exercise more or start a detox diet or something. Can't have that...have come too far to go back.

3. I want to move to Italy so badly it hurts. I don't know what's stopping me. Fear, I suppose. How ironic that I was the one who wanted to move back to the US (my family moved to Italy in 1986 and stayed there 'til 1991; I bitched and moaned the whole time). To tell you the truth, I think anywhere in Europe would be great. I'm so tired of being stressed and the US is #1 when it comes to that. I'm tired and sick of it.

4. I made a list a few years ago on what qualities my future husband should have. I add to this list every now and then. I know it's silly but I'm not settling for mediocrity. Did enough of that in my early 20s. NO MORE!!!

5. I think I would die if I were to lose my sense of smell. Most of my memories are scent-driven. The smell of honeysuckle makes me happy; I think of my childhood and Disneyland, picnics with my family. The smell of firewood burning makes me think of Italy and summer barbeques. To me, it's almost more important than eye sight!!!


Kristie (J) said...

Very interesting an honest list. It's scary sometimes when we look back and think what might have happened if we had taken that other fork in the road, how different our lives would be.
As for #2, it infuriates me how self consious this society has taught us to be. I think almost every woman has a hard time accepting herself just for herself. It's a battle I fight daily.

#3 - I know fear can be a powerful thing, but I say go for it if you have such a strong desire to go. Looking back later, you may really regret that you didn't take that fork. And you're still young enough to start over. And just think of all those hot Italian men just waiting for you. mmmmmmmmm!

Mailyn said...

Awesome list but, about Europe, make sure you want to move for the right reasons. I.E. you like the culture or way of life or whatever better. You don't want it to be a solution or a place to run away to because things aren't what you'd like or expect here. It will be the same wherever you go. There is stress and other unpleasantries all over the world and no one place is better or happier if you as a person are not. It's not the place, it's us.

Now, if you, like moi, want to move because of the culture, access to things you like, etc then I say go for it! :-)

Oh and don't stress yourself over the weight unless it's because you don't fit in your clothes. I know society has issues but I can't blame them for women wanting to look good. I want to look how I think I look best and not how everyone else thinks. I only guide myself by my clothes. If they are too tight then I know it's time to drop the pouns. Sadly I have gained 10 stupid pounds, which is a lot if you are as shirt as me [a whole dress size] so my clothes are too tight. LOL.

Oh and I soooo agree. No more settling for stupid men with no life!!!! :-P


Mailyn said...

that should be "if you are as SHORT as me" lol

Devonna said...

#1 ~ What about if you taught at law school? Do you think that's something you would consider?

#2 ~ I completely relate. I had eating disorders off and on all through high school up until my mid-20's. I'd go weeks without eating and then when I did start to eat again, I'd binge so I'd overdose on laxatives to get rid of it. Sometimes, those old thoughts still creep into my head when I've got a few pounds to lose and they don't seem to go anywhere. And the weighing at the doctor's ~ I turn around so that I don't face the scale and tell the nurse I don't want to know.

#3 ~ Well, if you have no attachments, maybe you should go. Like Kristie said, you may regret it at some point if you don't.

#4 ~ Amen and well said.

#5 ~ Scents and sounds are what bring back memories for me. But, I wonder about sight ~ especially this year when I found out I had retinoschisis. I've had to really wonder what I would do if I lost my sight because everything I love to do centers around it.

Great list, Daniela!

Racy Li said...

It's stories like your #1, that made me not go to law school. I was going to do it after I graduated, but I decided to take a job as a paralegal to see if i really liked it. Best decision I ever made because it was one of the worst experiences I ever had.

As for moving abroad to Europe, have you thought about doing something like teaching English, or applying to jobs overseas? There are tons of different expat newsletters and message boards for almost every country.

Of course law school loans might pose a few problems...

romancelover said...

Sorry...been exhausted and incredibly busy at work.

Thanks for your kind words re: #2. I used to get COSMO Magazine regularly 'til I realized how much it hurt me to see the images. I constantly compared myself to those photoshopped models.

Re: Italy and Europe living...gosh, I have law school loans so it's really difficult to just take off. Eventually it will happen, I'm sure, but right now...gosh, I'm still trying to sort myself out.

Thanks, ladies! you're awesome!!!

Holly said...

Re #2: It surprises me to see how many women suffer from this. Myself included. At one point during high school I weighed somewhere around 78lbs and still considered myself too fat. I still struggle sometimes, too, but I'm more comfortable with myself than I ever used to be.

Over the last year I've put on a good 15lbs and sometimes when I look in the mirror I feel sick. Like I should stop eating for a week or two to lose the weight. Then I take a deep breath and push the thought away. But it's not easy. :(

I agree with Kristie about how infuriating it is to see how society's expectation hurt the women of our country. I think about it even more now because I have a daughter.

As for the rest, you'll work it out, babe. I think living abroad would be fab, but you have to do what's best for you. Same with #1. Perhaps you'll be able to apply your degree to doing what you really want later. :)