Winner of the 2005 SHITZY Award

A Shitzy is awarded to the author who writes the worst piece of dung romance literature on the market. By dung literature, I mean a story that is so far fetched and asinine, a hero whom one can only describe by using the P-word (sorry, I can't say it or write it...it upsets me too much), a heroine who's got shit for brains (which is apparently what the author believes readers have) and an ending that brings pure joy and relief.

The nominees are (drum roll drum roll drum roll):

1. Lauren Royal for LOST IN TEMPTATION - highlight is the scene in which heroine asks her own brother how to have sex; brother proceeds to describe the sexual act in detail; later, when hero and heroine are set to do "it," the heroine cannot stop mentioning her brother's lessons. Pure genius!

2. Julia Quinn for IT'S IN HIS KISS - where the plot revolves around the hero's grandmother more than the actual love story between the hero and heroine; oh, the heroine is also a younger version of the hero's grandmother which makes thoughts of his getting together with the girl almost too much to stomach (how do you spell INCESTUOUS?). Superb!

3. Jillian Hunter for THE SEDUCTION OF AN ENGLISH SCOUNDREL - in which the editors apparently forgot to cut off nearly 200 pages. The romance actually ended at p. 120 or so, but inexplicably 200 additional pages were left attached to the story. Go figure! The book was as long and forgettable as the title. Amazing!

And the Shitzy goes to:

LAUREN ROYAL FOR LOST IN TEMPTATION.

Any other authors you deem worthy of a Shitzy?

Challenging Books

Currently reading Laura Kinsale's FLOWERS IN THE STORM...wow! This has to be one of the most challenging romances I've ever read. Fluffy and light are two words that could never be used to describe this book. Any other challenging books out there? Suggestions are much appreciated.

Better than Derek?

Can any hero top Kleypas' Derek Craven, the sexy troubled hero of DREAMING OF YOU? I fell in love with him from the first moment I read about him in THEN CAME YOU. Now ladies, word is that Derek Craven is nothing compared to Sebastian, Lord St. Vincent soon to appear (in March, thanks to Avon - was supposed to come out this November) in the 3rd Wallflower book, THE DEVIL IN WINTER. Can this be? Can anyone top Derek Craven?

Clive Owen...

I just have to say this...I watched Gosford Park for the first time yesterday and had the immense pleasure of CLIVE OWEN...unfortunately just watching him, but it was close enough for me to think that for one evening he was mine ALL MINE! I would love to see him starring as one of those villains turned heroes...perhaps Enoch's St. Aubyn or even Kleypas' Sebastian, the villain/hero set to grace the pages of the 3rd Wallflower series book THE DEVIL IN WINTER out in March. I don't know...I've been fantasizing about a man like him since I saw the movie. He is so beautiful! If you know of any, please let me know....I would like to believe that there IS another one like him out there, except SINGLE and available to love moi and ONLY moi!!! Gosh, I love accents! I need to go to the UK...pronto...any accent will do...Scottish, Welsh, I don't care..CLIVE OWEN, I LOVE YOU!

The Funk is Over

At least, I think it is...in the last few weeks, I've read one bad book after the other...books I've wanted to hurl out the window, rip to shreds and use as confetti. All this changed last night...I finished Once A Gentleman by Candice Hern and WOW...what a good book! It wasn't earth shattering or as breathtaking as a Brockway novel or even a Balogh, but it was good and it did what no book has been able to do in the last month: it released me from the curse of the funk caused by Avon. The premise wasn't exactly one of the most original, but Hern's depiction of Prudence and Nicholas Parrish truly managed to reel me in. Prudence represents every young girl in the world who never feels worthy of her mate...insecure and shy, all she wants is for her beloved to LOVE her and accept her as a woman, not merely a friend. Nicholas, on the other hand, is a typical male...frustrating, oblivious and so darn sexy...it's hard to think straight. The romance is funny and sweet and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thank you, Ms. Hern...the money is on the dresser, Chocolate!

As Spineless as an Old Used Book

Why are posters on the avon authors' message boards such spineless twirps? I never hear one negative remark...ok...backtrack, rewind and correction...I RARELY HEAR ONE NEGATIVE REMARK come out of these people about Avon's greedy ways, no bad reviews, no WHAT THE FA? Nothing...everything is YOU'RE BOOK WAS SO AWESOME or MY GOD, JULIA...YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN..A REAL WINNER...such BS...such blinding BS. Most the books published by Avon today lack storyline, sex appeal, eroticism, humor, all qualities that make a great novel. What we get today, at the cost of $7.99, is a recycled piece of crap that I wouldn't even use to pick up my dog's waste. If you've read one, you've read them all...just change the names of the characters and perhaps the titles...yes, because they're all titled characters...earls, dukes, barons (although barons seem to get more and more rare...seems like there were a zillion dukes once upon a time, according to these people), rich heiresses...it's just sickening! No one comments on this AT ALL...nothing but kudos for authors who've clearly deteriorated in literary genius. I don't get it. When one dares be honest on this board...oh, God forbid, the ladies there just lose it. I'm not even going to bother anymore. It's too frustrating. The books suck and it's time more people noticed it and wrote it out! More to follow...