Nuts for Romance Novels

Lately I feel like I've become a tad too absorbed by romance novels. In addition, I become extremely irritable whenever there is mention by an Avon author of a book of theirs coming out in Winter of 2035 (ok, I'm exaggerating here, but it feels that I have to wait that long sometimes). So...it was no surprise to me when I blew the proverbial gaskette, after reading on the avon author message board that Lisa Kleypas had sent one of her fans an advanced copy of AN AFFAIR IN AUTUMN, a book due to be released in October. The fan, a very nice and sweet girl, was so excited about getting it, that she mentioned it on the avon board...you can imagine the chaos that followed...and now...now I am absolutely ashamed to admit that I was one of the ringleaders of this rebellion against the poor girl (who will probably never post a thing on the site again). I really cannot, in hindsight, comprehend what led to me getting so upset over something as trivial as a book...I'm disgusted that I would even take my frustration for AVON and their greedy tactics out on this poor girl...The fan is not to blame...I almost applaud Lisa for wanting to give the girl some relief...WE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR BOOK II FOR MORE THAN A YEAR, after all...but then again, why doesn't Lisa (and the other Avon authors) do something more than engage in such passive aggressive rebellion against their publisher? How about grabbing Avon by the balls and telling them to stop fucking with them and US, the reader? I guess I felt betrayed...betrayed that we all have to wait forever to read what might end up being, courtesy of Avon's shitty editors, a really bad book (God, I truly hope this is not a case)...betrayed that the authors aren't sending all of their fans a free book; betrayed that authors don't fight for their fans, but instead just accept the postponing of their much awaited novels and take whatever release date (even if years from now) they can get. Sorry, but I don't buy the bullshit excuse that Avon has to satisfy every author as a reason for delaying book releases...not that dumb...Avon publishes about 6 books a month...other companies publish double that amount...definitely seems like Avon is trying to get us to buy books by other less established authors, enticing us with sex-filled excerpts (which end up being the only good few sentences of the book) and cheesy covers (see Donna Fletcher's new book...blaurgh!). I didn't really believe this until a friend pointed this theory out to me. It makes perfect sense..Kleypas has her fan base, idiots like me who would wait 2 years or more for a book of hers (a series book, mind you)...I can hear them now..."let them wait for Kleypas and Enoch and all the other good authors; let's leave'em with nothing to read but really bad Stephanie Laurens novels...let's giv'em Book 531 of the Cynster series. They'll take it...they're morons..." Oh, now I'm getting upset again...I really need to chill out. I might take a break from these novels. Really considering re-reading MIDDLEMARCH. I love the book; it's about 500 pages or so but a masterpiece. Read it in college. I need something different, something that I already know "with absolute certainty" is good...
Again, I feel really stupid for getting upset at a fan who is probably 10 years younger than me...I just lost it...really hated Avon at that time and was just annoyed that Kleypas would not fight harder to get her Wallflower series out when it was first intended to come out. She should have fought for us and she didn't. I really hope Avon chills out with these methods of theirs to get more readers for their new authors; it's bound to backfire...by the way...did I mention that I'm really getting sick of the kiss ass attitudes of several of the Avon Message Board fans? More on that later....ciao!

Lost in Temptation

I read Lost in Temptation by Lauren Royal about a month ago. The book still haunts me to this day. Recently, I read a review which deemed it a good enough book to buy. I don't know what the reviewer was on when she read this book, but it must have been some pretty good mind-altering stuff. I don't think I've ever read a book that was so asinine (ok...maybe I have, but...) and unromantic and bordering on the ridiculous. I really wanted to like this book...I really really did, but what was the last straw for me was a scene depicting the heroine and her brother discussing sex and her brother describing the sexual act in all of its mechanical glory. To top it off, when the heroine and hero were "getting down" and doing the nasty, the heroine had enough audacity and mental retardation to mention her brother and every tip he had mentioned...MY BROTHER SAYS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIFT MY DRESS, MY BROTHER SAYS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF AND SPREAD MY..., MY BROTHER SAYS, MY BROTHER SAYS..MY BROTHER...Shut up! I literally wanted the hero to turn violent and murder the girl. It was that bad! SHE was that bad! Gosh, I just skimmed after that because I wanted to figure out whether the mystery backdrop of the book was indeed as predictable as I suspected. I was right. It was...predictable, that is...and bad! The book deserves a READER WARNING LABEL: DO NOT BUY. I wouldn't recommend this book to my worst enemy. I don't understand how anyone could mistake this book for a great romance. I hope to spare readers with some future pain with this review. The book left me lost in temptation to kill the author. I don't think I will ever try a Royal book again.

Avon sucks!

I used to be the biggest fan of Avon, but lately I'm ready to give up on them altogether. Why? As one of my previous posts will indicate, they take FOREVER to publish my favorite authors' books and their editorial teams has got to be one of the worst ones out there. Who are they hiring? Who are these people reading novels before they're even approved and published? Middle school kids? In recent months, Avon has published the worst pieces of Sh*T I think I've ever read. No originality, no steam, no luster, no story! The books are so bad, I find myself skimming them...yes, skimming Quinn, skimming Hawkins...skimming, for goodness sake! The quality of their books has deteriorated to such a point, I no longer get giddy before reading a new book; I'm not even excited about future releases. Most of the books I eagerly anticipated were big disappointments and I cannot tell you how much I fear the eagerly anticipated Kleypas Wallflower series will be just as bad. Avon is only interested in money it seems...no longer is their focus pleasing the reader.

I cannot tell you how much they annoy me. Most series books are so spread apart, I can never remember what happened in the last book AND, to add insult to injury, the new one always seems to refer to what happened in the last, like I would remember what I read 2 years before. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Can we do anything about this? Something must be done. I no longer want to wait years for a series to conclude (see Quinn's BRIDGERTON series)...or have a book I eagerly awaited be postponed (see Kleypas' DEVIL IN WINTER). Sorry, most of the books are written and I cannot tolerate being strung along, like a cat in heat. At Avon's pace, my daughters (I currently have no kids) won't even get a chance to get these books.

I'm frustrated and I hate to go on and on about the same issues, but reading an Avon book has become a job these days and I really don't need two of them!

Some of My Favorites

Books you should not wait to buy:

1. Untie My Heart - Judith Ivory
2. Guilty Pleasures - Laura Lee Guhrke
3. His Every Kiss - Laura Lee Guhrke
4. Most of Connie Brockway's books

I don't know why more authors don't write like these authors; they're unbelievable. Each book gives me butterflies. The hero comes alive and I fall in love with him more and more each word I read.

Settling for the Ordinary

Just finished reading LOVE ACCORDING TO LILY by Julianne MacLean...this book was on my long-awaited book list (along with the recent disappointment IT'S IN HIS KISS by Julia Quinn...more on that later) and I was very excited when I found it about a week before it's release date at my local Waldenbooks. Let's just say that I didn't even kiss the hero of the book and I developed a slight mono-like illness after this. When I got home, I immediately sat my butt down on the couch and proceeded to devour it. What I was left with at the end of it, was intense hunger...why? Because I had been teased for months with the excerpt, the book cover, the previous books' mention of Lily's love for the incomparably HOT and rakish Whitby, that I excepted something that didn't even get close to what was dealt me. The hero believes he is dying but in reality merely has a case of mono. The book was good, don't get me wrong. This was no AN AFFAIR MOST WICKED, which has got to be the worst Maclean book I've ever read. It was good and the love scenes were intense, especially when we had Whitby questioning what he was doing the whole time because the woman he was attracted to was indeed his best friend's sister. I enjoyed the book, BUT it was not what I expected and wanted. I guess I would have preferred it had Maclean left the whole MONO issue out. I really didn't care for that aspect of the storyline and wished Maclean had perhaps shown Whitby close to marrying some other woman and then Lily finally expressing her love for him right before the wedding. Why the mono? I felt at certain points that the author was trying to be innovative in her description of the disease...if I wanted to read about it, I would have gone straight to the computer and read about it online. I just...well, it just bothered me because I thought that it took the attention away from Whitby and Lily's love. Also, it was mentioned in the book that Whitby had no interest in getting married...well, that was news to me because he fought to marry his friend's wife (Sophia from TO MARRY A DUKE) in the first book and he was trying to find an heiress himself to help repair his finances...I could have sworn that would have led to something in this book...none of that...his finances weren't as bad as was first thought and everything mentioned about him in previous books went down the toilet...voila...forgotten like yesterday's lunch. I was so upset after this book because it had so much potential but the author mucked it up with her fascination with the "kissing disease." I don't know...this book annoyed me...it was good but could have been incredible had the author only remembered one tenth of what she'd written about the hero in her previous books. I would give it a 6 1/2...I'm still angry.

I feel like lately no book is pleasing me...at least not the ones I've waited months to buy..take Quinn's book, for example. IT'S IN HIS KISS was good also, but not GREAT and after reading all of the author's previous works, I had an expectation of greatness...a lot of the avon authors today are settling for the ordinary and that's not fair, especially when they've made their readers accustomed to getting the extraordinary. I feel like authors are just going through the motions, not really caring about what their readers want, but just trying to meet their contractual obligations. It's sad. I remember when I first read Maclean and Quinn...WOW...Quinn, especially...WOW WOW and WOW.

I can only hope Kleypas' next book won't disappoint, because I don't know if I could handle reading another mediocre book. I am more and more understanding MrsGiggles' (www.mrsgiggles.com) frustration with romance novels today...I never thought I would get sick of them, but I am...I'm sick of getting teased with excerpts and then getting a book that doesn't even come close to what was promised. Right now, I'm just disillusioned and disappointed...Candace Hern's ONCE series is next. Just purchased them at a UBS...just hoping at this point for a miracle!

Trusting Online Reviews

I'll be the first to admit that I read online reviews religiously before I even get close to walking out of my apartment to buy a book. AAR, Mrsgiggles.com, The Romance Reader...you name'em, I read'em...I don't always agree with them 100% but they generally move me in the right direction. Generally...not always. The following is a list of the recent injustices dealt me by a few online review sites:

1. The Sherbrooke Bride, Catherine Coulter
2. Any Stephanie Laurens book
3. A Well-Favored Gentleman by Christine Dodd

Thanks for ruining a couple of good evenings when I could have been watching a real world rerun, which has a lot more wit, spice, romance and realism than these asinine books (and that's saying a lot). Don't buy them!!!

Me against the Publishers

How annoying is it when you eagerly await a book and then discover that for some unknown jacked up reason (see $$$) it's been postponed either indefinitely or 'til next year?!?!? This happened a few months ago with Lisa Kleypas' long awaited Wallflower Series. Book 2 is set to grace stores beginning October 2005. Book 3 was all set to be released a month later...too good to be true? Two books from Avon back to back? Miracle? Yeah, didn't think so either. Lisa Kleypas informed all fans and avon message board junkies (such as myself...I hate to admit it, but I'm addicted) that DEVIL IN WINTER would be released in....get this...MARCH 2006...yeah, a book set in Winter will be released in the Spring and the following one which supposedly is set in Spring comes out MAYBE (because Avon is too busy give anyone this info) in the summer. Thanks AVON! Thanks a lot!!! I thought the books were supposed to be out each season?...I mean the first one came out in Summer of 2004 (yeah, I've been waiting this long for a frickin' book) . I may sound impatient and I am, but I wouldn't have a problem waiting IF the author were still writing the book....THIS BOOK HAS BEEN WRITTEN for months...it could have easily been released months ago even, but AVON is going to hold on to it because "it has to meet its obligations to all avon authors not just Kleypas." Whatever...thanks for the bullcrap excuse, too! Thanks for thinking readers of romance novels are complete morons! You suck us in with the series books and then you squeeze'em out like juice out of a rock. Thanks jerks!!! I was tempted to stop reading the books altogether BUT I can't. The one I really really want to read is the 3rd book...I've been looking forward to it since Kleypas put the excerpt out...Gosh, if only I could get my hands on a copy and then I could stiff Avon out of the money I would shell out to get it in March.